The Big Guns Showdown
by LilAngelLady21
Summary: What happens when you take anime's biggest bounty and sic anime's biggest bounty hunters after him? The Big Guns Showdown! Can Vash the Stampede out run and out gun Spike Spiegel and Gene Starwind when they're both after that last big bounty?


_**The Big Guns Showdown**_

"Let's see what we can find on the old tube." A scrappy looking blonde-haired boy said flipping on the monitor in front of him. He sat in the driver's seat of a large red ship that had randomly made its way across the galaxies searching for good bounties. "I bet there's nothing good in this out dated neck of he woods." He sighed eying a map of their location. "Sol solar system, eh? Say isn't that where they say humans originated?" The boy wondered looking up to the ship's central computer console.

"I do believe you're right Master Jim." The computer replied in a congenial voice while the youngster fiddled with the monitor. It suddenly flickered as a show came to life before him.

"AMIGO!" A strangely dressed man beamed as he stood back to back with a scantily clad buxom blonde. "How are all you 300,000 bounty hunters doing out there today!"

"It's time for the BIG SHOT! Which gives you information about all those big bounties out there!" The blonde beamed on cue.

"First up for today is a BIG bounty for those brave souls willing to travel to the Nether regions of space. In fact this is the biggest bounty we've ever seen. With the currency exchange this county equals out to roughly 50 million woolong!" The man went on excitedly as a wanted poster appeared of an almost demonic looking spikey haired man.

"50 million!" The boy named Jim exclaimed nearly choking on his popcorn. "GENE!"

Elsewhere:

"50 Million!" A green haired man in a snappy blue suit exclaimed falling off the couch. "JET!" He exclaimed gluing himself to the screen.

"This fugitive goes by many names including Vash the Stampede and the Humanoid Typhoon." The blonde woman went on air-headedly.

"WHAT!" A large and slightly mechanical man gasped sliding to a stop in the living room of the ship called 'Bebop.'

"I just found our new bounty…" The man replied grinning wildly.

"Now there's a good reason the bounty on this guy is so high. He's credited with destroying an entire town and putting a hole in one of his home planet's moons. Better watch out guys and gals!" The man went on to explain in an uncharacteristically cheerful tone for what he had just said.

"Destroyed a whole planet, eh? Do you really think we can handle this?" The man named Jet wondered skeptically.

"If the planet's still there then we can take him… Especially for 50 million…" The green-haired man replied.

On the other ship:

"I don't know Gene… Destroyed an entire town? I thought we were done with big jobs like that for good! You promised me no more pirates!" Jim whined.

"I know but this isn't a band of pirates and think of it this way Jimmy. If we bag this bounty you can open your own shop and hire sexy female mechanics!" His red headed companion went on slyly.

"Why do I think you'd enjoy that more than he would?" A stoic Asian looking woman remarked coolly.

"What's your point?" Gene wondered looking at her disgruntled. "Melphina! Set a course for that planet!" He beamed pointing to the monitor.

"Why do I get the feeling that only something bad can come from this?" Jim wondered slinking down in his seat as Gene strutted off still not noticing he was only in his underwear.

A tall blonde haired man in a long red trench coat danced down the street with a box of doughnuts in hand. The wire of this headset dangled down to one of his pockets as he shoved one of the circular confections in his mouth. As he walked he came across a strangely clad… person who was being followed by a small dog. The… person was looking around forlorn and holding… its stomach. "Hello there…" He replied in a perky voice. "You look hungry." The… person's eyes lit up brightly and they nodded emphatically. The man beamed a broad smile and handed the person a doughnut. The dog whimpered then growled and bite the man's leg when he didn't offer it one. "OUCHIES!" The man screeched rubbing his leg before grudgingly giving the dog a doughnut and patting it warily on the head. It barked in satisfaction before gobbling down the confection. Before the man realized what was happening the person, whom he now discerned was a girl and scaled his arm and now had her head in his bag of doughnuts.

"No more… She sighed sadly plucking the bag from her head.

"NO MORE!" The man screech sticking his own head in the bag. "It is a sad cruel day indeed when a man runs out of doughnuts.

"Mr. Vash!" A voice beamed from behind him and he spun around to see two women walking up behind him. The girl hopped off his arm and looked on with an odd expression of curiosity. "Mr. Vash! Look chocolate pudding!" The taller dusty blonde woman exclaimed happily thrusting a heaping bag at him. "Would you like some Mr. Vash? And Mr. Vash's friend?" The girl who had drooled a small puddle around her nodded emphatically and soon received a package of pudding and a spoon. The woman looked at the drooling dog and smiled. "No chocolate pudding for you doggie!" The dog whimpered sadly but soon perked up. "Doggies get vanilla!" She beamed sitting a tub of white pudding in front of it.

"My name is Merle and this is Millie. What's your name?" The other woman wondered watching the dog and the girl scarf down the pudding at unprecedented speed.

"EDWARD!" The girl beamed through the pudding. Merle and Vash looked at her funny as if the name struck them as odd but Millie just smiled and hugged her pudding bag.

"I like it!" She mused walking on down the street.

"Pudding just isn't suiting my taste today." Vash sighed sadly. "I wish I had more doughnuts." He added licking the inside of the once full bag.

"Isn't there a doughnut stand on the other side of town?" Merle suggested following Millie. "You can just buy some more."

"Wait a minute!" The girl beamed and they all stopped. A moment later she had crawled up the front of Vash and clung to his head. "I've seen you before…" She commented darkly as she stared with him upside down while dangling over his head. He looked at her awkwardly and smiled in a similar fashion. "I saw you buy the doughnuts! Let's go get doughnuts!" She beamed after several moments of awkward silence before leaping off his head and rolling down the street as the dog chased after her.

"Well this day certainly got more interesting…" Vash mused laughing.

"At least she isn't a bounty hunter." Merle added cheerfully as they both watched her roll down the street like a ball.

"I like her!" Millie beamed happily as she took off running after the girl. "EDWARD! Wait for me I want to try that!"

"I never thought I'd see the day we'd find someone Millie could actually relate to…" Merle sighed as she and Vash followed the rolling pair.

"I can't believe you sent Edward out after food again Spike… Don't you remember what happened the last time?" A scantily clad purple haired woman sighed as she lounged on a couch.

"This place is a giant sandbox how much trouble could she get into?" The blue suited man replied brushing it off as he lay sprawled on the opposite couch.

"Need I remind you of two things. First we're here for that huge bounty and two… The last place you sent her to look for food was a giant sand box as well." Jet commented as he rested at a computer nearby.

"Good point… I guess we should get started on that bounty and look for her in the process. Besides… old Bull said I'd find a pretty girl here." Spike mused hopping up and leaving the room.

"Some things never change…" The woman sighed.

"You're telling me Faye…" Jet replied shaking his head.

"Don't you think Melphina and Suzuka have been gone for too long Gene?" Jim wondered warily looking at his companion. Besides, don't you think we should start looking for that bounty?"

"Yeah I guess you're right… Let me get the Caster case and we'll head out…" Gene conceded hopping out of the driver's seat of the ship. "Say… Where's Aisha?" He wondered oddly as he looked around.

"She said she was hungry and was going to go find food. I guess she wanted to be in top form for catching this bounty." Jim replied fiddling at the keyboard in front of him some.

"I just hope they have enough food on this dirt ball to satisfy her…" Gene smirked as he walked away.

"Doughnuts… Doughnuts… Doughnuts…" Edward repeated each time she rolled over. The dog barked every third or fourth time.

"I don't see how you can still do that!" Millie beamed. "It made me dizzy!"

"You were already dizzy…" Merla sighed quietly.

"What was that Ma'am?" Mille wondered curiously.

"Nothing!" Merle replied frantically.

"Doughnuts… Doughnuts… Dough…" Edward's chain of thought was interrupted when she ran into someone.

"Oh hello there!" A dark haired woman beamed as Edward looked up at her strangely. "In a hurry to try these doughnut things too?" She wondered offering the girl a hand up.

"DOUGHNUTS!" Edward cried bursting into the air shocking the woman she had ran into. She soon recovered and started laughing. She was soon shocked again when Vash grasped her hands in his and looked at her enamored.

"No doughnut ever created could possibly be as sweet as you." He remarked in Don Juan style.

Same old Vash…" Merle sighed sticking her hand out to Millie who handed her the jumbo-sized stun gun.

"Please allow me to purchase these confections for you… But first what is the lovely name of such a lovely…" His sentence was interrupted as he landed face first into the ground.

"Hands off lover boy." A calm, cool woman's voice commented. When Vash looked up he saw the woman sheath a wooden sword. He leapt to his feet and took her hands in his.

"Don't misunderstand… I couldn't possibly neglect a rare desert bloom such as yourself." He went on resuming his Don Juan attitude. Again he found himself face down in the dirt. "Playing hard to get…" He groaned. "I admire that in a woman!" All the while Merle leaned against the stun gun smirking.

"So Edward! How about we get some doughnuts!" She finally suggested as she stepped on Vash on her way to the stand. "You'll have to excuse our companion… Sometimes he doesn't know how to control himself."

"Doughnuts! Doughnuts! Doughnuts!" Edward exclaimed each time leaping into the air. Merle purchased two bags of doughnuts and the ladies walked on down the street leaving Vash still face down in the dirt. "You two don't look like you're from around here. Will you be needing a place to stay?" She wondered as they walked.

"Why are woman so cold!" Vash wondered sitting up and sulking.

"One man's loss is another man's catch… Watch and learn my friend." Spike said offering Vash a hand up. "Take a lesson from old Spike here. Sometimes the direct approach is too much for a girl. Observe." He walked up behind Melphina and Suzuka and wrapped his arms around their necks. "Say there ladies thanks for finding my companion there. Boy those doughnuts sure do smell good…" He landed a good five feet back on his back. Vash walked up and walked down at him.

"I think you had the right idea until you grabbed the samurai chick's butt." He commented offering Spike a hand up.

"Maybe I'm just losing my touch…" Spike sighed taking out a cigarette and lighting it. "I don't suppose there' any place around where a man can drink any his sorrows…"

"As a matter of fact…" Vash mused wrapping his arm around Spike's neck and leading him down the street.

"Where did your friend get off to?" Melphina wondered as the group of woman sat on a pair of benches in the center of town. Edward suddenly catapulted into the air above a nearby shop.

"There she is!" Millie beamed as Edward suddenly made a nose dive into the alleyway.

"RED HAIR!" She screeched as she landed on someone's head. You have red hair too!" She went on staring at them upside down as she clung to his head.

"HEY! Get off of me!" Gene screeched stumbling forward as he tried to pry her off his head. Edward leapt off and flipped into the air just as Gene was bowled over. Millie looked at him furiously as she held her still smoking stun gun.

"You should be nicer to kids you know!" She fumed as Edward peered down at the stunned man. He popped up and she watched him curiously as he went on.

"Melphina! Suzuka! What kind of weirdos did you two pick up!" He fumed waving his arms about. He didn't realize Edward was mimicking his every move. When he would turn around she would stare back at him innocently. Millie giggled which caused him to turn around and look at her while Edward did it again. He finally sighed and walked over and took one of the doughnuts and leaned on Melphina's shoulder. Across the square Faye and Jet stood browsing a stand. A pair of singing men coming up the street soon interrupted the group at the bench.

"Mr. Vash! Have you been drinking too much again?" Millie wondered cheerfully.

"Mr…" Spike started.

"Vash…" Gene finished.

"As in Vash…" Spike started again.

"the Stampede…" Gene finished again.

"The Humanoid Typhoon…"

"With the huge bounty on his head…"

"Yup that's Mr. Vash!" Millie replied with equal cheer. In split second the three men all stood facing each other with guns drawn.

"Step off fly boy this one's mine." Gene snapped glancing quickly at Spike.

"I found him first Red." Spike replied smartly with a sly smirk.

"But you didn't know it was him…" Gene pointed out with his own smirk.

"Tell you what… This bounty's big enough to split and still be worth it and we out number him two guns to one. Let's take this one down together." Spike suggested diplomatically.

"Why does this always happen to me!" Vash whined sitting down on the ground. "Can't a man enjoy a few dozen doughnuts and a beer… or two… or three…?"

"That sounds like a good idea to me but let's take it outside the city… Too many people around here that might get hurt." Gene suggested turning more of his attention to Spike.

"Fair enough." Spike agreed turning more of his attention to Gene.

"Gene… Your bounty is walking away… Eating a box of doughnuts at that." Suzuka pointed out coolly as she pointed in Vash's direction.

"HEY! Get back here and face us like a man!" Gene yelled chasing after him.

"Why me!" Vash screeched as he took off running.

"Gene! Wait up I've got the Caster shells!" Jim whined chasing after him.

"Faye! Jet! Get ready with the back up just in case!" Spike called to his shipmates. Jet flashed Spike a thumbs up and they all took off in different directions.

"I'm very sorry about your friend… Perhaps I could talk to Gene and convince him to not shot Mr. Vash. He seems much too nice to have done what they say he did…" Melphina said with genuine concern.

"Don't worry… This happens all the time!" Millie beamed. "Mr. Vash is a professional at getting out of trouble!"

"I somehow think these guys are more serious than the others…" Merle worried looking at Millie seriously.

"Doughnuts and pudding in the summer sun! Doughnuts and pudding for everyone!"

"Woof!"

"Doughnuts and pudding in the summer sun! Doughnuts and pudding for the guy with the biggest gun!"

"Woof!" And on went Edward's song as she rolled after the gunmen and her trusty pooch followed.

"I somehow believe this should become quite interesting…" Suzuka commented walking down the street in the direction the others had gone. A moment later a ship flew overhead towards the gunfight. Merle grabbed Millie's hand and pulled her along after everyone. The field they all stood before was already riddled with bullets when they got there.

"WHERE IS EVERYONE!" Edward called bouncing around the ridge over the field looking in every which way. A sudden burst of gunfire rang out and Gene clutched the top of his head.

"I really didn't need a new haircut just yet." He griped feeling the low spot on his head. "Jim… Give me the Caster and a couple number ones. I really didn't think this guy was going to be worth it but here goes.

"Faye… This guy is tougher than I thought… Bring out 'the new toy.'" Spike said to his communicator.

"You honestly think you can fire that thing on your own?" She wondered skeptically as she hovered her craft over the fight. "It about put Jet through the wall."

"Just drop it already…" He groaned irritated.

"Roger." She replied doubtfully. "Just make sure you leave something for them to identify so we can collect." With that a hatch on the under side of her craft opened up and a huge cannon looking gun slowly lowered to Spike.

"Well this might be bad… I could sure use some help right about now you crazy Priest." Vash sighed as he shot at the cable and watch the huge gun crash to the ground. Out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of a huge energy beam coming towards him. He ducked out of the way at the last minute but not before getting a trim job of his own. "WHAT WAS THAT!" He shrieked putting a small flame on his head out with his fingers. "This is getting serious! They really want to kill me!" He whined. "Why does this always happen to me!" The boulder he hid behind started to cast a huge shadow and Vash bolted up to run. The huge light ended in a massive explosion but to Vash's surprise he wasn't dead. He pulled himself out of the huge pile of debris and looked around to see Knives standing behind him.

"I can't believe you were going to keep such a great fight from your brother!" He beamed smiling back at Vash as he pointed his "Angel Arm Cannon" to the sky.

"Well that's an interesting gun…" Gene mused looking over Knives's weapon of choice.

"Gene… I think that's his arm…" Jim pointed out fearfully.

"Do you think that's why they call him the 'Humanoid Typhoon?'"

"Possibly!"

"I told you to watch it with that gun…" Faye griped as Spike lay 30 feet back from where he had fired the gun face up on the ground.

"It just had a little more kick then I expected…" Spike replied groggily.

"A LITTLE!"

"OOH!" Edward swooned as she sat on Knives's arm and stared at the energy reactor. Knives jumped startled by her sudden presence.

"Where'd you come from!" He gasped staring at her funny.

"It's so shiny…" She went on entranced as she reached up to touch it. He smacked her hand and picked her off of him.

"See that big scorch mark? Your hand would be like that scorch mark all right?" He explained sitting her down gently. "Now run along before you get hurt." Edward cocked her head then flipped backwards and rolled away.

"All right gimme number 7…" Gene mused as he smirked at Knives."

"A number 7… Check." Jim replied digging in the shell case.

"I don't think any of them are going to stop until they kill each other…" Faye groaned as she hopped out of her craft and approached the spectators. "Or blow up the planet…"

"Think we should stop them?" Suzuka wondered resting on her sword.

"We aren't in debt… In fact we're quite well off for once." Melphina offered cheerfully.

"Us too…" Faye commented thoughtfully.

"Very well Ladies… Divide and conquer!" Merle ordered and they all took off towards the gunmen.

"Umm Gene…"

"Hush I'm trying to aim for that gun… arm… thing…"

"Hey there stud…" Faye mused playfully as she ran a hand through his red locks. Gene looked up at the less than conservatively dressed young lady and instantly pacified. She wrapped an arm around his neck as he stared at her dumbly. He never noticed her putting a tranquilizer gun to his neck and firing. "Men are such perverted pigs… Go on and get out of here before I decide he isn't cute anymore." She added eying Jim then walking away.

"Excuse me but I must now temporarily incapacitate you." Suzuka remarked before blindsiding Knives and sending him flying across the sandy ground a bit stunned. His gun reverted to its original form as he shook his head and looked around warily. A split second later he was sent sailing into a dazed Vash who was still trying to regain his bearing. The pair landed in the dirt not far away.

"Sorry!" Millie beamed as she shot Spike with her super-sized stun gun. He slid back a few feet when he caught it. "Tough case huh?" She mused pulling the trigger again and sending three more his way. He tried vainly to beat them back with the one he had caught but ended up getting beaned in the head by the last one. "Umm… Mr. Bounty Hunter?" She wondered as she and Edward peered over him.

"So you can really kill any man with a piece of wood?" Faye wondered inspecting Suzuka's wooden sword. The assassin simply nodded and Faye smiled. "That's pretty wicked."

"Here you go Edward. A big box of doughnuts and a bag of pudding." Millie beamed handing the girl said items. Edward bore a beaming grin as se took the items and disappeared. "And vanilla pudding for the cute little doggie!" Millie beamed sitting a package of pudding on the ground in front of the Corgi. The dog barked with delight as she petted it before scooping the pudding up and waddling off. Millie sniffled and waved as the woman boarded the ships to leave, the unconscious men long since loaded up to go.

"MILLIE!" Suddenly rang out through the air as Edward came flying out of nowhere and knocked over. "Bye bye Millie! Visit soon!" Edward beamed happily as she hugged her friend then bolted up.

"I'll try!" Millie replied happily stood up and waved. The ships took of into the wild blue galaxies beyond but Millie stood back watching them turn to bright spots in the sky. She had a forlorn look on her face that Merle soon noticed.

"What's wrong Millie?" She wondered patting her friend on the back.

"I forgot to ask her where she lived!" Millie sobbed on her friend's shoulder. Suddenly and small metal orb dropped out of the sky and landed on the ground in a crater and plume of dust. The pair warily inspected it and upon poking it, a small screen poked up baring a cartoon caricature of Edward and directions to where she lived. Millie happily picked up the orb and plodded off with it. "Doughnuts and pudding in the summer sun! Doughnuts and pudding for everyone! Doughnuts and pudding in the summer sun! Doughnuts and pudding for the guy with the biggest gun!"

A dusty colored anthro woman sat in a restuarant with a huge pile of plates and dishes heaped around her. "I love this place! The currency exchange means I can buy so much more food!" She beamed as the waitress brought her yet another round of food.

"You eat more than Mr. Vash!" The waitress giggled as she walked away.

"Mr. Vash... Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something to do with that name... Oh well!" With that she went back to eating.

"Hello Mr. Vash! I think we found a contender for an eating competition against you! The waitress beamed happily as the Humanoid Typhoon came into the restaurant and sat down. Aisha stopped eating and spied the man with a dark countenace that scream competition.

"Really..." Vash replied eying the pile of dishes.

"Bring it on shirmp! I, Aisha, of the proud Ctarl Ctarl accept any challenge in the name of conquest!" Vash smiled slyly and sat down at the table next to her.


End file.
